I have a friend with a big problem a guy who needs good dating advice badly. All the women he dates are dysfunctional and he cant figure out why. Actually most of the women he dates arent merely dysfunctional theyre psychotic.

In fact when came to me for some dating advice he told a story about the last woman he dated how she literally stalked him for three months after their relationship ended one day calling him a Nazi the next calling him the sweetest guy on earth. It got so bad he decided to sell his house and move out of state. No joke this is a true story.

However this is NOT the first woman like this hes dated. In fact most women hes dated are like this. Now you might think this guy is bad looking and broke a complete loser who just cant do any better. The truth though is this: the guys 62 in good shape could pose for GQ and does very well financially. And he can be a fun witty guy to hang out with. Why then did this guy come to me for dating advice

There are actually several answers to this question (and we dont have time to cover all of them today) but many of them have to do with whats called map/model of the world both his and theirs. Well talk about his in a later episodefor now just realize your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Obviously hes got some work to do on his inner world and he is taking my dating advice seriously but for now lets talk about map/model of the women he dates.

Just what is map/model of the world and how will this help your dating Its simply how each individual human being views the worldthe sum total of our internal representations. Let me give you an example that will clarify this. Lets say you and I are listening to the radio and a particular song comes on. You hate it but I like it. Why Because we both have different maps/models of the world. Although the input (in this case the song) was exactly the same the output (our reaction to the song) was different. Our maps create the differing output. How we view the world is different. How each man responds to my dating advice is different.

When youre screening women to see if theyre worth spending time with you want to uncover as much of their map/model of the world as possible. Why Because how theyve behaved in the past (based on their map/model of the world) is how they will behave in the future. And if the past behavior theyve exhibited is bad their future behavior will be worse. (Take my dating advice on this one!)

When my friend told me during this dating advice session about his experience with this

crazy woman I asked how they met what she said to him. It took me 15 minutes of listening to him for me to determine simply based on what she said to him that she was a nonstarter someone I would NEVER start a dating relationship with. Why Because shed described several instances of psychotic/stalking behavior in past

relationships. But since he wasnt actively uncovering her map/model of the world and making decisions based on it he got into a horrible relationship. I would have avoided dating her completely.

So just how do you uncover a womans map By asking elicitation questions and actively listening. You

want to look for common patterns of behavior that reoccur in her past relationships. Awhile back I met a woman online and we met at Town Lake here in Austin for a walk. As we walked I simply asked her about her online dating experiences. Over and over she said oh he kept following me but he was a loser.

Then I asked her about her relationships and she kept talking about how guys cheated on her all the time. How did she know they were cheating I asked Well she said because I would drive by their houses and strange cars would be in the driveway. My dating advice to anyone who exhibits this attitude is... dont walk run!

Now if Id pursued ANY type of dating relationship with this woman what do you think the outcome would have been She would have driven by my house looking for strange cars and then she would have accused me of cheating. And then she would have come to my place of work at odd hours to confront me. Why Because thats what she did with all the guys who cheated on her.

Obviously I never met with her again even though she was cute. But many guys not heeding this very important nugget of dating advice would have because they were paying attention to looks not uncovering her map or model of the world. And the next six months of their lives would have been HELL.

Listening for map/model of the world is a valuable skill to develop and some of the best dating advice I can give anyone. You will find that uncovering someones map of the world will save you much frustration. So Ive got some homework for you guys. As you go throughout your day tomorrow actively listen for

other peoples maps. Get them to tell you stories and listen for recurring patterns of behavior both good and bad. Develop this skill and utilize it and youll be able to avoid a lot of heartache and enjoy a lot of pleasure.

About the Author: John Alanis The King of Let em Come to You is author of the Women Approach You system at http://www.womenapproachyou.com. His blog is at http://www.johnalanis.com

John Alanis The King of Let em Come to You is author of the Women Approach You system at http://www.womenapproachyou.com. His blog is at http://www.johnalanis.com